


McDonald's Fries.

by yawnnnn



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Attempt at Humor, Background Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Explicit Language, F/M, Fast Food, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko Swears, M/M, McDonald's, No Plot/Plotless, Romance, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Weird Plot Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:52:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27688550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yawnnnn/pseuds/yawnnnn
Summary: Nagito meets a customer named Kamukura during his McDonald's shift. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito, Komaeda Nagito & Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko, Komaeda Nagito & Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko & Soda Kazuichi, Komaeda Nagito & Soda Kazuichi, Minor Sonia Nevermind/Tanaka Gundham - Relationship
Comments: 18
Kudos: 89





	McDonald's Fries.

**Author's Note:**

> God help me, I only post this shit to take a break from my long running Kamukoma series. Keep in mind I've never actually worked at a McDonald's so this may be highly inaccurate.

“Sir… pardon my intrusion, but, are you, sure?” Nagito barely managed to say out loud, it was just above a mutter. 

“Yes, do I look unsure to you? I want all the fries you have left, excluding the ones reserved for other customers.” 

The stranger made his point clear, and Nagito wrote it down on the slip of paper he had to carry around, just in case he forgot what the order was. The customer was always right, he supposed.

“Okay then, Mr…?”

“Kamukura. Make it quick.”

Sure, this was a McDonalds on a Friday. And sure, Nagito had met some weird specimens of humans. But one thing was for certain, and it was that he had never had a highly fit and attractive man walk in in what looked like a thousand dollar  _ custom tailored  _ suit and calmly ask for all the fries. With no expression on his face. Whatsoever. He strolled over past the counter, and his coworkers spared him a questioning glance as he headed straight towards the place where the crusty, probably eight hour old fries were stored. 

Feeling incredibly wrong, he slipped some thin plastic gloves on and began scooping the fries onto the tray, eventually suffocating Ronald McDonald’s printed face with the incredulous amount of yellow worm shaped food. 

“Nagito, what the everloving fuck are you doing?!” The blonde yelled a bit too loudly, though no one among the employees or consumers bothered to file a report on vulgar language. That would be like reporting located wild animals at a zoo. Then again, McDonalds was a zoo, wasn’t it? “I take over drive thru for 5 minutes and I come back to you loading all of our shit onto a damn tray. We’ve already gone over the fact that no matter who they are, or how godforsaken ‘hopeful’ or ‘talented’ they are, we DON’T GIVE THE CUSTOMERS FREE FOOD. You’re lucky the manager is a goddamn saint of friendship and second chances...”

The yell was so loud that Nagito’s white hair blew away from his face at the impact.

“...I know. The customer asked for this.” 

“Pardon?”

“The one over there, with the massive man bun. He asked for all the fries in our arsenal.”

Fuyuhiko groaned. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me… this can’t be allowed.” He glanced to the back, and gave a shout. “TAKA!” A few rumbling and shifting noises were heard, and strong footsteps made their way to the front.

“Yes, Fuyuhiko! What did you need!?” Taka saluted, his firm red eyes tired from the constant management of this hellhole. Nagito had concluded long ago that Taka was truly the most admirable man he knew to deal with the constant flow of future mental hospital patients that flowed in and out of here in a constant stream. Him included, of course. 

Kamukura was staring in their direction eerily from the corner. Nagito shivered. 

“You’ve read the entire rulebook a thousand times over, right!? I refuse to believe that giving all of our fries to a customer is fucking allowed.” He motioned to Kamukura in the corner, whose eyes were still looking into his very soul. Nagito almost gave a sick snicker at the situation.

“No, I am eager to inform you that there is no rule against that! Here at McDonalds, we treat every customer with our utmost faith and respect, so I am sure that he will put the fries to good use! Now, hup hup, let’s get those fry trays rolling out, you two!” Taka said in his overly loud voice, and Fuyuhiko looked like he was on the brink of tears. While the rest of the employees looked at them with unease and curiosity, him and Fuyuhiko continued to haul out trays upon trays of fries until finally what was left of the fry warmer was merely a graveyard of lost souls. Whispers echoed throughout the McDonalds, and concerned customers hurriedly finished their food and just left. A wise decision, really.

By the end of it, the booths on either side of Kamukura’s were chock full of fries, and Nagito was extremely frightened of approaching that demon. 

“Mr. Kamukura, sir, if you don’t mind, we’re going to have you pay the bill now.” Nagito gave a wobbly smile and a gulp, noticeably sweaty and nervous. Kamukura blinked, fished through his pocket until he found a wallet, then fished through that wallet until he finally pulled out a black credit card. 

“Use this.” 

The card worked perfectly, and Nagito nervously handed it back to Kamukura, who had just spend 200 dollars on McDonalds fries.

McDonalds. Fries.

\---

An hour and a half later,  _ the customer  _ as they’d dubbed him was still there. He was replaced with Fuyuhiko just as his lunch break started, who had gone into a repressed emotional state at the bullshit he had just seen occur. He had his usual ten artificial and bland chicken nuggets, without the fries this time, and had just thrown away the trash and thoroughly wiped his table when he heard a shout from across the room. And oh god, it came from

_ the customer.  _

“Waiter with the white hair. Come over here.”

“Sir, I actually still have five minutes left on my lunch break, so--”

“Perfect. Come here.”

Nagito was too scared to refuse, and he saw Fuyuhiko sparing him a sympathetic glance from behind the cashier. His footsteps were slow to Kamukura’s booth, as if he truly dearly wished not to become a part of the french fry cult. While he was stalling for time, he noticed that Kamukura had a large box of toothpicks out, and had the fries arranged in a square in the center of his table. Nagito raised a questioning eyebrow and Kamukura motioned for him to sit down. And as he became amidst the sea of yellow, Nagito could only  _ hope  _ that he’d find a way to refuse this admittedly attractive man and remain cult-free. 

“I need you to hold the fry square steady. Place your hands directly where mine are. He glanced down to his own dark hands, and Nagito gulped. He didn’t know which to fear more, what he was doing, or the scale of a gay panic attack he was going to be struck with at touching this stranger’s hands. 

When he placed his hands atop the Kamukura’s own, he realized that he should be worrying about the latter. Thinking of it in terms of how you scale an earthquake, the amount of panic would probably be estimated around 6.1-6.9, which, in terms of a realistic earthquake, would cause major damage in a lot of populated areas. That wasn’t surprising for him. Kamukura removed his hands from the fry tower, and then suddenly, out of nowhere, grabbed something from the side of him on the booth. 

It was terrifyingly remarkable.

Kamukura had just pulled out a massive structure of fries that was shaped like a traditional pagoda that you’d see in rural Japan, completely made out of french fries and toothpicks. He placed it gently atop the square base, and Nagito’s eyes widened in absolute amazement at the masterpiece of sculpture he had just witnessed here, in this small town McDonalds. 

“So anyways, I found this really cute chick today, and I actually got her number! She said her name was Sonia, haaaah, and I’m pretty damn sure she has a boyfriend-- wait Gundham, you’re her boyfriend? What the--” Nagito glanced at the entrance, and it seemed their coworker, Kazuichi, had finally arrived fifteen minutes late to his shift.

“Sorry Gundham, I gotta go, see...ya.” Kazuichi hung up his cell phone. “What the FUCK is going on in here? Nagito?? Fuyuhiko?? I need answers!???”

At this point, Kamukura had scared everyone off with his fry obsession, and Fuyuhiko was idling at the counter, unbothered by the massive structure that was on Nagito and Kamukura’s table. 

“This is Kamukura, he ordered all the fries we had left and then built this amazing pagoda! Isn’t it absolutely wonderful? Think of how talented, hope-filled, and amazing the handsome Kamukura must have to--”

“Did you just call me handsome?” Kamukura suddenly interrupted him. Fuyuhiko, looking as if he just braved a journey of life and death, buried his face in his hands and walked out to the back, leaving the cashier empty. Not that it mattered anyway. No one was coming in this McDonalds and staying here at this scene.

“Well, yes, but that’s besides the point--”

“Okay, well that makes things easy then. Waiter. Go on a date with me after your shift is over. I will eat these fries in the meantime.” He plopped one into his mouth, and his eyes sparkled at the taste. 

Nagito was frozen. What did he just say? A date? With someone like him? Right after they’d met? Well, there was only one sensible answer to that. 

“Of course! My name is Nagito Komaeda, but someone as talented as you can call me whatever you want.” He smiled and stood up from his seat, moving over to the counter to wait for another customer, if they ever came. His lunch break was over now, after all. 

Kazuichi put his cell phone in his pocket, shoved his beanie on tighter, and walked right out the door. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Nagito has successfully been inducted into the McDonald's fry cult.


End file.
